The Wife
Photo: Praveesh Palakeel on Unsplash
‘you can’t remember the way your belly hugged / each syllable of your laughter.’
When your hands and feet are tied and confined to a box
With a hot stove and a rolling pin
The skill of not being bothered by echoes of laughter in the background
is not easy to master
As you roll out a meal for a family of five
your mind
and body will disconnect
You mind will take you back
To the classroom door
Where you stand with one arm out
Asking “may I come in ma’am?”
To the worn-out bag
Carrying heavy hardcover textbooks
And neatly labeled and wrapped notebooks
To the chai walla outside the school gate
Serving you with a cheeky smile
knowing it is not yet lunch break
But none of that will matter
Because
Your body will take you to the fridge and back to
the room and back to
the veranda and back to
the kitchen
always
Bring the tea
He will command
Triggering a reflex as your body will race again to
bring tea to the two guests whose names you’ve faintly heard
and the man whose name completes yours
overwriting the heritage your father proudly crowned your head with
Stand straight
he will demand
But how can you when
your spine knows only to bend to
put the plates away to
greet the guests to
clean the floor
to
please him
When the rounds of laughter get louder in the living room
your body will
stop for a second
just a second
Your mind will let you get angry
as you let yourself question why
you can’t remember the way your belly hugged
each syllable of your laughter
Or the way “Dr.” would announce the arrival of your name
demanding respect as everyone in the room stood up
for the queen
But then your body will resume its chores
One after another
on autopilot
Each day collecting
A callous on your fingertip
A burn mark on your arm
A crack in your heels
As souvenirs
Your body will know its duties
As it will once again
Bend down to serve the two guests and
The man you endearingly call
Your husband
***
Khushi Agrawal is a student at Brown University in Rhode Island, USA, and intends to study neuroscience with a focus in cognitive neuroscience. She is engaged with topics related to women’s empowerment and is a vocal advocate for mental health care. Engaging with these topics occasionally results in a page or two of poetry. You can find her on Instagram: @khu5hi.
